The Sandwich Method is a technique for giving feedback. It is named because the pieces of bread represent positive feedback, acknowledgement, and compliments. The PB&Jelly of the sandwich represents constructive criticism or the difficult topics you wish to address.
1) Slice of Bread 1: Start off with positive feedback (Genuine Praise) to warm up
Example: Start by telling how great it felt when you first met and what you liked about your partner. The more words you use here, the better. Tell him how handsome and smart he is. Tell him you expect him to be successful in life. You don’t have to lie, simply try to really see him in positive light. Aim to boost his self-esteem or acknowledge the positive. Use as many positive words as you possibly can.
2) The PB&Jelly “Heart of the Matter”: Provide your constructive criticism
- Be clear, concise, and brief regarding the heart of the matter— the feedback or criticism you want to share.
Example: Now tell him that while you still see him same amazing, something has happened inside of you and you don’t feel same way about him anymore. Don’t say things like “It’s not you it’s me”, but still deliver similar message. Remember your feelings to your partner are more about you than him. It’s true. It’s possible to fall out of love completely even if your partner didn’t change. Instead of blaming him emphasize this instead.
3) The 2nd Slice of Bread: End on a positive note (Praise)
Ideas on how to end with positivity to soften the feedback/criticism you just gave.
- You can repeat the initial positive feedback/compliment you had given them.
- You can speak in general terms about how much you want to continue the relationship etc.
- You can compliment them or thank them.
Now it’s time for another compliment or meaningful words. You can end with something positive like thanking him for everything, thanking him for great memories, thanking him for understanding things correctly. Make sure you discuss boundaries and moving forward if changes need to be made. Then give him another compliment, but make sure it is sincere and meaningful.
Goal: Sound relaxed, direct, and firm. Deliver the message with a friendly emoticon or a smile on your face.
Example 1: I want to get back to you on that very nice invitation/request from the other day. I am sorry I won’t be able to accept it this time. I am hope you will think of me again. I really appreciate the invite.
Example 2: You are a wonderful friend. But, I am calling to tell you I can’t help you move on Saturday. If I could, I would, and I know that you understand. I would like to help you decorate your new place–maybe we could go shopping after you’ve moved.
Example 3: I am so flattered you asked me to come help you pick out a new dress. However, I won’t be able to. Thanks so much for asking. It meant a lot to me that you would trust me in giving my opinion on fashion.